In closing I'll leave you with some lyrics that I like:
"There's some things we don't talk about
rather do without
and just hold the smile
falling in and out of love
ashamed and proud of
together all the while

You can never say never " - Never Say Never - The Fray.
 

So today I felt better well besides being woken up early which I honestly don't mind because I know I'll start having to get up early sure as shit with this new job I have. So I had to drive my mom to town because she can't drive herself anymore -- yeah she's totally crippled now(note: sarcasm). I digress. Anyway so I didn't feel well when I first woke up and so I was like blah whatever. Well, as the day progressed I started feeling better and that's pretty much carried on throughout the day. I think it was a good day.

Anywho, I have to be up at like 7A.M. so I can be at orientation at 8. I'm not a fan of getting up that early nope not one stinking bit. However, if getting up that early can cause me to keep a job for longer than ohhhh 2 months then I'm all for it. I have high plans and big hopes for this job so I need for it to be a long term commitment for awhile. I'm really so of apprehensive about the job though. It's a customer service like tech support type of job where you answer phones and deal with customers and I don't really like talking over the phone. I don't really like talking in general, but sometimes you have too. lol. Well, it's not that I don't like talking it's more or less how things come out when I talk sometimes. I use to have a speech epitome...and well some of it still lingers. It's not cute so I don't want to hear BS about it being that way. No one wants to hear someone struggle to get words out that's just not attractive at all. And in closing of this whole attractive paragraph I would just like to throw out there that not only with the current problems I have I also have problems with self-image so that's going to through the whole dating and meeting people idea into a huge mess. Agh. It never ends I tell you. When one issue or problem goes away another one presents itself. 
Well, at least I have Colin to look at. My new picture sure does help.
 

Speaking of attractive so I'm hoping that maybe once I get this job and I'll be out there with the public again that maybe I can meet someone. Hell, it doesn't even have to be a meeting maybe just a general acknowledgement of other gay guys in a specific area. That would be nice for a change. I know what kind of gay guys are in this area and the thought of dealing with that crowd is enough to make anyone go W T F!!.

Anywho. So I changed my default picture as well as added several other userpics. I like'em but I'm still looking for some more icons. It sucks to some extent that you can't upload a regular picture on here. I can't make icons with paint so making my own just isn't going to happen. ::sigh::

Well, I guess that's all.
P.S.: I'm so sick of all of these tornado's, thunderstorms, tornado sirens. I swear it's not even summer time and it's already like this. It's not even hot yet and it's already getting this bad. This is how bad it is: Sunday there were tornado sirens going off with all the bad thunderstorms. Monday when I woke up it wasn't soon thereafter the Tornado siren went off which today was announced that a tornado touched down about 20mins from where I live. Late Monday into Tuesday we had a sick lightning storm severe downpours of rain which lasted about a little over an hour. Tuesday I woke up and went to town and it was storming and one of my friends said the tornado siren was going off at her house. Tonight around 11 the tornado siren went off twice.

Ugh. I'm just so sick of it right now it's like this every year, year around.
Whoosah.
Looks at pictures of Colin.
 

HEY. If anyone wants to send me icons of Colin it'll sure make my day better. :p (I doubt anyone will because only 2 or 3 people are on my friends list.) ::sigh::
 

Okay, So I woke up today just completely off like I felt okay physically but mentally I felt just awful. I think this weekend really took a lot out of me and I don't know honestly if I'm over that. I have these really strong feelings of being alone and lonely and they start making me think in general of how I was thinking this weekend which would definitely lead down that road again. And honestly that's the type of thinking that makes me want to crawl in bed and just cry and sleep and sleep and cry. So with that thinking I really admit that maybe I am depressed. I sort of shrugged all this depression talk off before thinking that maybe if I moved out my mother's house and out on my own and got mixed into the dating scene that maybe everything would be okay. And that thinking still might hold true, but even if I started dating that alone brings up a host of other issues I have. Things like 'am I hot enough?', 'do gay guys find me attractive?', 'am I attractive at all?', 'I don't think I'm cute and what if that projects outward?'....and the list continues. I think the one reason I don't want to go to a therapist or a counselor is because I don't want to be dependent on anti-depressant medications to make me happy. I'm totally not that kind of guy or person I would rather fix or solve this on my own if that meant looking and analyzing my irrational thoughts.

I don't know but hopefully things will turn around soon. I really really REALLY dislike feeling like this!!!

So I'll include something that made me laugh after the cut ( To Find Out What Made Me Laugh Click Here... )
 

Find out what I'm talking about after the cut:

( Read more... )

What do you guys/girls think? Do you ever get that deep into someone who is a celebrity? Has that sort of emotion ever over taken you? What do you think of my situation??

Thanks for reading.